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Writer's pictureFreyja Torn

My breastfeeding addiction (an unlikely thought back in the early weeks)

Breastfeeding you are my addiction, I wake every 2 hours (sometimes more) because you're there, all night long, in the darkness, staring me down. 

During the day, I leave the cosy privacy of my house and there you are. I shop for food, and guess what? You're there! Your formerly perky prescence, stalking my saggy soul. My baby boy loves you. I mean, if we break it down, in the early days, he needed you 14 hours straight, then 10 hours then 8 ... let's just say there wasn't much let up (or should that be, let down?) 

There was even the time you stared us down for a whole 48 hours in bed (twice!) Neither of us could wriggle away from your charms. I remember the manky, magnolia curtains were shut the whole time, and the light of mid summer was only slightly darkened a few hours at a time. 4am was daylight, and my God, that really helped me get through the early days. I could pretend to myself that other people were awake: the sun was up, people had to be up and about, right?

You forced me to watch far too many box sets (on repeat). You were so strict that eating became a luxury, which only others could provide. I tried to walk the dog but you wouldn't let me out of the door. I tried to access support so that we could live side by side, you wouldn't rule my life, but you stopped me from going to the meeting (more than once). 

Breastfeeding, you are a massive addiction, my baby thinks so too, you've convinced him he needs a hit of you ever couple of hours, we are never more than a few paces from you as you stalk us from behind.

One day, not far from now (no doubt gone in a flash), we will break our contract with you. You will go on to haunt another's time, like a pocket watch, keeping a lid on your ever-present, tasty secret. 

Our 6 months is almost up, but now we're not ready to leave you, cold turkey is not for us. 

Does it have to end? 

Please don't leave us! Just one more hit! Stay with us and we'll be your addiction now... and see how far we get. 

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